New Years Polar Bear Swim

The title says it all, folks. You need a quick way to sober up for Auntie May's leftover turkey dinner after your debaucherous night of alcohol and miscellaneous substances? Vancouver's annual New Years Polar Bear Swim will shock those lethal substances right out of your ever-tightening pores. Better than a wimpy bath in epsom salts, the frigid and somewhat polluted waters of English Bay Beach will slap you good and hard: your scrotum will wince, your nipples will expore unchartered territories, and something between your ears will remember what it means to be alive.

And cold. That's what fascinates me here. It's a pretty crazy event that has attracted 2000+ participants. Who the hell are all these people? Because they're definitely not the same crazy ones who killed themselves partying the night previous.

Truthfully, I've heard mixed reviews about this event. And after glancing at the website, I was having second thoughts myself. Not due to any fear of how icy temperatures will affect my skinny, uninsulated bod, but because I hadn't realized how... commercial the deal is. With sponsors like Coca Cola and 99.3 the Fox, and the accompanying requisite sound system, things are sure to be obnoxious. Also, you're supposed to register (it's free) so they can keep track of numbers, and entice you with a commemorative button and draw prizes. So if waiting in lines is your cup of tea, feel free.

The present forecast is 9 degrees and possibly rainy, so I'd expect maybe 1200 people shivering in the cold sand. Still, that's enough of a crowd to get lost in, so be prepared for claustrophobia and confusion. But it is a new year, so don those speedos and grease up!