The New Year

Wow. It's already Thursday. The 29th day of December. The 25th has come and gone, and I'm tired. Tired of eating, my jaw hurts, not to mention my digestive system. Tired of visiting. Tired of sleeping on a pullout couch in the computer room. I'm actually ready to go back to work. I'm ready to return to cereal for breakfast and toasted sandwiches for dinner; ready to start hitting my snooze button again. But wait, I still have to get through New Year's Eve.

I have never been one to pay exorbitant fees for cheese snacks, cheap champagne and silly hats. In fact my new year has mostly been rung in with a quick toast, immediately followed by a phone call to Blacktop Cabs. I realize my attitude could be perceived as something worse than apathetic, but there must be some people out there who would rather enjoy the quiet of a winter evening, knowing that the first day of the new year will be greeted with a clear head and a rested body.

So in this spirit, I offer you, dear readers, a few ideas for celebrating the end of 2005 that will leave you wondering why you ever paid a hundred dollars to get drunk on a boat.

1. Get out of town. Although I cannot within my conscience advise you to go camping for the new year as I hate tents and the drippy condensation that collects within, after a night under the stars, like some kind of fungus; I hate sleeping bags (I get a panicky feeling just thinking about confining my limbs in one of binding bags); I hate oversized backpacks; I even hate marshmallows, I do appreciate the amazing natural beauty of our province. So I will advise you to suck up to a friend with a cabin, or better yet a house, on one of the gulf islands, or the Sunshine Coast, or anywhere out of the city. There is nothing like being able to wander outside and enjoy the fresh air of a new year, while simultaneously urinating on a private patch of moss, only to return to light and warmth contained within insulated walls. It makes you feel positively feral and yet civilized at the same time.

2. Stay in. Last year a friend and I decided to cook our own fancy shmancy dinner. We leisurely walked to Granville Island on the afternoon of new years eve, and stocked up on some gourmet delicacies. We ended up at the Lobsterman, thinking a good lobster would fulfill our need for indulgence but instead ended up with a bucketful of raw oysters, some fresh horseradish and seafood sauce to go with; we bought salmon; we bought wild rice; we bought baby carrots. Then we dressed up, really dressed up, I even wore heels. We moved the dining table into the living room and lit candles. We played whatever music we felt like and enjoyed one of the nicest new years I've ever had. We were supposed to meet up with friends after dinner, but we were having so much fun we opted to stay in. We danced together as the countdown toward midnight began and were both safely tucked into bed shortly thereafter.

3. Go out for Chinese food. The Chinese new year isn't for another month, so enjoy this opportunity to celebrate Vancouver's multiculturism. The Chongking on 12th and Commercial has amazing sezchuan at affordable rates, or so I've heard. Although I lean toward the southeast Asian palate, it's nice to remember that not everyone regards the 31st of December as the end of the year. You could even spend some time pondering the limitations of the way we conceive space and time over moo shoo pork. I mean what is time really?