Looking For, Um... Your.. Tire Iron? - DTP

So it was a sweltering Saturday afternoon where I found myself within the air-conditioned canopy of BC Place Stadium. I was there to suss out the Driven to Perform import car show. There was a bit of a ruckus after my preview last week and I was hoping to glean some interesting factoids to justify attending my first ever import car show. As seemingly superficial as it is, the import tuner scene is a relatively young offshoot of the general car & mechanics hobby and it's only been getting mainstream attention in recent years. Car enthusiasts spend an arm & a leg modding their modest compacts beyond recognition, altering everything from creature comforts like sound system and customize interiors to the core driving performance of the car. It's not uncommon for the total cost of alll the modifications to equal or even exceed the price tag of the original factory model. Clearly, there is some passion involved here for people who dig this sort of thing.

And so the question remains: Was there more to this garish display of automotive fetishism than what Vin Diesel and Paul Walker would have us believe?

From an educational perspective, I was thoroughly disappointed with the DTP event. There are cars... and there are cars... and there are more cars. Ooh, and motorbikes! And then back to the cars. I can't say I was surprised with the monotony of seeing the nthcar tricked out with an overkill sound system and flat panel monitors embedded or hanging off every available appendage, nook and cranny. It became quite apparent that the import tuner scene has quickly become a victim of its own conventions, with modifications following a rigid checklist of "must-haves" as opposed to a more care-free, artistic approach.

There were plenty of entrants into the car competition for those hopefuls looking to take home trophy for Best in Show. Unfortunately, the MO for most these people seemd to be to drop off their car and leave. Very few owners actually hung around their vehicles to field questions and it would have been great to have more of them on hand to answer questions about what makes their car so special. To someone in the know, that is probably very obvious. To newbs like me, I could always use some explanation to distinguish Honda A with the flashy paint job from Honda B with the flashy paint job.

When I had my fill of browsing all the vehicles on the show floor, I had more eye candy to contend with in the form of various scantily dressed car models. Hot cars and women indeed go together like peanut butter and jam, however, the ladies fared poorly in comparison to the main event. Most could be found lingering in designated zones, happily posing for and with camera-happy show patrons. Yes, you simply needed to aim your camera at a model and she would respond with an animatronic pose and smile. Certain crews of models sported sound booths and DJs and would randomly break into an orgy of booty shaking, heralded by a feeding frenzy of flashing cameras and unblinking eyes.

I was fortunate to bump into a friend at the show who was savvy in the ways of car tuning. He tried valiantly to educate me on the finer points of throwing even more cash into the eternal money pit that is the automobile. By that point, however, my interest had completely waned. Doing a final round of the showroom floor, I passed a rather flaccid RC car drifting race and the Pepsi Sound Stage, which hosted what must have been a satirical fascimile of Hooty and the Blowfish. Alas, the musicians on stage were taking themselves seriously.

I left DTP 2006 feeling equal parts tired and tittilated. It was a brief glimpse into another world... a world of worship for all that is fast, flashy and loud. I didn't quite come away from the show with a new appreciation for car modding. I learned that I already dump enough of my hard-earned money keeping my own car in running condition and would sooner take solace in a safe ride than worrying if I had left my Playstation controllers stuck behind the driver's seat.

If there was any substance to be found at Driven to Perform, it certainly was not found anywhere underneath the hood or the phalanx of jiggling ass cheeks.