Tourists

Posted by Sean
Filed in City
July 4, 2008

Every year they come. Armed with fanny packs and maps, traveler's checks and handi-cams, they descend upon our Potemkin village by the sea. They flock to the most banal and trivial of spaces, stock up on maple syrup and cigars, and then waddle off to Alaska to gawk at the glaciers before they're gone. Martin Parr would have a field day at the Steam Clock, as the 30 year-old contraption hoots happily to the naive gawkers behind their digital SLRs. They pad the pockets of buskers and waiters, and they keep the crackheads high. They are the lifeforce, and at the same time they are pure evil.

I remember seeing these shirts in a little running store on Carall called 1986. They had a picture of a helicopter with the words "Defend Gastown" in big bold lettering. I never really understood. Defend it from who? The pimps, the pushers, the prostitutes? Or the tired parade of flesh, with their Canada pins and totem poles? Or those other, less foreign tourists: the Bridge and Tunnelers, Weekend Warriors, the army of Longshorts, collars popped and cologne wafting in the cobblestone streets.

Now, it is littered with the fortresses of gentrification; The Revel Room, Boneta, Canvas (where they scan your ID), The Modern (where they take your picture at the door), Chill Winston and the recreated high school hallway that is the Sonar-Fabric-Donnelly Lamplighter stretch. What we really need is a whole stadium full of drunken hooligans staggering down Water street, threatening bloggers, drinking Stella Artois because they think its sophisticated, and pissing in the alleyways.

Look, I know, I get it. There needs to be development. But come on. Do with a bit of tact. Maybe a public art gallery or museum down there, a market, some tourist bullshit, some clubs for wankers, and hey how about this for a concept, a live music venue. After seeing the line up to buy art at Storyeum, I thought, really, you want this to be a gym? Holy fuck. You really have no clue at all. Fuck, and now you got Concord Pacific in on the act.

Then just the other day, on Canada Day, I had to go to the mall super quick and was aghast to see Pacific Centre packed as though it was Boxing Day. I actually yelled out, and I hope somebody out there can vouch for me, "Go outside". It was revolting. It was approaching 27 degrees outside, clear and blue skyed, red flags and red faces. I imagine Robson Street was the same, but I haven't been up there in a while.

But for all the cacophony of cash registers coughing, the thud of shopping bags, and cameras clicking; it is to you we leave the day. And it is us who will carry the night always west, into the ever-reddening dusk. For, I believe in the night. And I believe in this city.

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You know Sean, I usually think your writing is crap; this is an exception.
Nicely said.

Posted by: anon at July 4, 2008 8:18 AM | Quote Comment

Glad someone else is with me when they are sickened by the consumerism going on indoors on a sunny day, on our country's b-day for pete's sake. I on the other hand, was lovin' the live jazz/bzzr gardens on G-Island.

Posted by: dude at July 4, 2008 9:48 AM | Quote Comment

Oh come on. I agree that we should be spending time outdoors on a lovely summer day. But I dunno, maybe consider for a lot of people this is their only day off for a long time? Maybe that's what they want to do - shop! And don't hate on tourists. You make it sound like it's completely their fault for coming to the city and we cater to them.

Posted by: anon at July 4, 2008 10:37 AM | Quote Comment

Don't tourists eat at Soc.ial?
That means they spend money there no?
That means they foot your paycheck Sean, no?
Just checking.

Posted by: QT at July 4, 2008 1:32 PM | Quote Comment

"Glad someone else is with me when they are sickened by the consumerism going on indoors on a sunny day, on our country's b-day for pete's sake. I on the other hand, was lovin' the live jazz/bzzr gardens on G-Island."

WOWWWW! do you want an award for how cool you must be Mr. Blog commenter?

Posted by: Miker Dude at July 4, 2008 2:13 PM | Quote Comment

my favourite part of this entry is where you pass judgement on those at the mall, yet you seem to exclude yourself.
i agree that being indoors on one of the seven only decent days we get in this city is ridiculous, but don't we melt in the sun with it being so very foreign in these parts?

Posted by: RS at July 4, 2008 3:08 PM | Quote Comment

I've probably spent a total of one hour over the last decade inside of malls.

QT: Yeah, because if it wasn't for So.cial I'd be fucked. Because that is my lifeblood. Making sandwhiches. Its all I know how to do. Please tourists! Don't go! I totally forgot that you paid my bills, well except for the part where I say "you are the lifeforce", but other than that I totally took for granted how important you were in my life. If it wasn't for you I'd probably be doing something meaningful with my life, like blogging for example.

Posted by: Sean Orr at July 4, 2008 7:14 PM | Quote Comment

Loved the last paragraph. I'm a shopaholic, but I was out in my garden on the 4th. Too nice out to be anywhere else!

Posted by: mizt at July 5, 2008 4:06 PM | Quote Comment

anon:
Oh come on. I agree that we should be spending time outdoors on a lovely summer day. But I dunno, maybe consider for a lot of people this is their only day off for a long time? Maybe that's what they want to do - shop! And don't hate on tourists. You make it sound like it's completely their fault for coming to the city and we cater to them.

So true about working people with families - really hard to get all the stuff done when there are so many other competing responsibilities! I know, 'cause I've been there...

Posted by: Mizt at July 5, 2008 4:09 PM | Quote Comment

My wife and I visited your city in 2005. We stayed a week and had a fantastic time, eating in your numerous excellent and very cheap restaurants, visiting a considerable number of the places our guidebook advised us to visit and more besides, and acting upon the recommendations of locals as often as we could manage. You are welcome to visit Birmingham, UK whenever the fancy takes you, and I guarantee I won't post a load of sour grapes nonsense on my blog when you do so.

Posted by: Rob Strong at July 6, 2008 12:50 PM | Quote Comment

Thanks Rob!

Posted by: anon at July 7, 2008 1:01 AM | Quote Comment