Turtle-Man Trouble

Posted by Terri
Filed in Fashion
February 18, 2007

Ever since I've been going to clubs, there is undoubtedly a fellow or two who thinks it's a great and fashionable move to wear a turtleneck into the steaming, boiling hot club. Even worse is when you see said dinglehead oozing towards you on the dance floor hoping for a go, sweating profusely beneath his mammoth clothing.

This guy I snapped last night took the cake for turtleneck clubbers; the wool was about as thick as my arm, and something about the pattern just screamed "Here you go Mom, I wore the sweater you gave me. Merry Christmas."

I went on a hunt for similar violators, and found a couple others lurking in corners and whatnot. Another wore simple black, not so thick.

I quickly turned to an innocent spectator and grilled him: what's the deal with men who wear turtlenecks into clubs? Neil offered me some possible scenarios...

1. They are just completely, utterly and sadly misinformed about appropriate and practical style for a nightclub.
2. They are hiding something. (This is my favorite theory. Maybe they have boils on their necks. Stay away!)
3. They're mental.

Ok I made up the last one because I can't remember the third thing he said. Thanks Neil!

Now here is a photo of a little gem who's got the right idea. Want the privacy and warmth of a turtleneck? Gotcha. Oh, you're hot? NO problem, just let me zip this down....ahh, there we go:

Gabriel just moved to Vancouver like, a minute ago from Montreal to work for Red Bull. Go Gabriel!

If anyone else has any insight as to why this strange phenomenon occurs, please enlighten me.

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the only thing that really disturbs me about clubs...and the shots i see.
even though i dont go to clubs,

is how many ppl are wearing american apparel hoodies.
same one in different colors.

sad sad world.

Posted by: Julia at February 18, 2007 7:13 PM | Quote Comment

I like the top picture better. Looks like my friend Terry

Posted by: Sean Orr at February 18, 2007 7:53 PM | Quote Comment

yeah the thick turtleneck sweater isn't completely hideous, a bit charming even. but completely inappropriate for the time and place. how did he not melt into a man puddle?

Posted by: terri at February 18, 2007 8:33 PM | Quote Comment

If you show up early, the clubs can be pretty chilly.

Posted by: statusq at February 18, 2007 10:30 PM | Quote Comment

I like it. It's very Svend.

I used to rock the wool t-neck, but then I switched to the mock-neck. Now I just wear my neon Sun Ice jacket cuz I can tie it around my waist when it's time to hit the d-floor.

Posted by: Peter at February 18, 2007 10:52 PM | Quote Comment

I hate you bitch.

Posted by: turtleneck at February 19, 2007 2:11 AM | Quote Comment

Oh, dear god, no. Suitable for a winter stroll or tea with your granny, but definitely not for clubbing. He should have been weeded out at the door and sent home to change like a good boy.

Posted by: cat at February 19, 2007 8:23 AM | Quote Comment

Maybe he just got back from Whistler, and maybe after a couple of coctails he ripped it off to reveal a tight lycra tee and ripped abs. I've seen far more hideous patterns btw.

Posted by: android at February 19, 2007 10:36 AM | Quote Comment

i like aa hoodies. they're comfy and the zipper doesn't wear out. fuck your mom.

Posted by: sweatshop at February 19, 2007 12:09 PM | Quote Comment

possibly, android. except i was there all night, and he didn't take it off. he danced all night while wearing this.
and Peter...wow. i had to dump a guy once because he tied his sweater around his waist. but he also had a perm, so it was never going to work...
coat check is a fairly inexpensive option, btw.

Posted by: terri at February 19, 2007 12:23 PM | Quote Comment

Well, you should have told him that only ski jackets go around the waist. Sweaters get crossed over the shoulders, obviously. You also have to balance out the ensemble by rocking the fanny pack in front. Yeah, but I agree--perms look ridiculous.

Posted by: Peter at February 19, 2007 12:51 PM | Quote Comment

hehehe - he did the sweater over the shoulders too actually. and rolled the sleeve ends together. it was pretty cringe-worthy.
this may surprise you, but i don't have a huge problem with fanny packs. i actually own an extremely ugly one that i wore on film sets when i used to do wardrobe. very useful.

Posted by: terri at February 19, 2007 3:04 PM | Quote Comment

If nothing else, this is more evidence that we need bars in Vancouver with a stricter & harsher policy on who is allowed in, starting with their appearance.

There. I said it. I am a BAD LADYMAN.

I want doormen that will TURN YOUR ASS AWAY if you don't look cool enough. I'll leave what is considered acceptable appearance up to each individual club.

It'd be nice to have more places that weren't contaminated by barstars and hoochie burbies on the weekend -- they can go to whatever Granville mall frat box they want, party it up, and slide out with all the common vomit, piss, and shit onto Granville at closing time. However, they MUST be made aware of their place if they go to... go to... wherever it is that they are not welcome for stylistic reasons.

...ok... I don't know if I'm joking or not any more.

Posted by: Aphex at February 20, 2007 12:44 AM | Quote Comment

Agreed, Aphex. The only thing worse than wearing copious amounts of cloth in a club are those chicks/dudes that are wearing a lioncloth that fell off Tarzan. When that happens, my retinas would be BEGGING for the sight of a turtleneck instead, no matter how hideous it may be!

Posted by: Victoria at February 20, 2007 7:30 AM | Quote Comment

I know Gabriel,

It's not the last time you are going to see him with this king of clothes!!! I never saw him in Montreal with something els... You should see what's under that! He is like a horse... A big thing is so practical!!!

Posted by: Phil Daunais at February 20, 2007 10:01 AM | Quote Comment

Now this article, Terry, is funny, and I totally agree with you :)

Posted by: Rachel at February 20, 2007 10:43 PM | Quote Comment