Morning Brew: March 20th

BC's Worst Drug Hotel Is About to Empty Out. I'm a little confused. Worst? Don't you mean best? No but in all seriousness dude is actually underplaying how scary that place is. You know that scene in Seven, well multiply that by that scene in Requiem for a Dream to the power of Hostel.

B.C.'s tourism sector looks for new markets. Lichtenstein? Macao? Anybody? Please! We've got ski runs and stuff. And cute little natives running around with orcas and spirit bears.

Funding cut shocks universities. "The B.C. government has delivered a nasty surprise to the province's universities. Their funding for the coming year will be millions of dollars short of what they were told to expect". No bigs, just raise the tuition fees. This job is fucking easy. I'm going on break.

BC Ferries hikes rates. Oh right, because of the cost of oil and whatnot. Yeah, nobody saw that coming except for everybody who saw that coming.

Terasen hikes rates. OK, I know we're on the West Coast and everything, but can we chill out on the hiking?

All of a sudden Ferguson cares about the environment, well, not really. He just hates unions: It's time to pull the plug on foes of cleaner, greener hydro power. Yes, that is it. The unions, the environmentalists, and the rest of the socialist ideologues are against cleaner and greener hydro power. Way to flip the paradigm Fergie. You should stick to singing awesome songs like, "If you ain't got no money take you're broke ass home".

DeGenova has lofty aims if elected. Apparently he's going to solve the homeless issue. Wow, does this guy have Obama's campaign strategist or what?

Reports of shots fired at golf course. Its about time they made that game more exciting. Brings new meaning to the term hole in one.

Just in case Morning Brew didn't make it graphic enough for you, The Only spell it out for you: Courier Gets Circumcised.

And the readers are pissed too.

In response to a reader, this is why Morning Brew differs from LOL News: "Some Abbotsford locals are opposed to a possible manure-powered plant proposed for their community by B.C. Agriculture Minister Pat Bell. They ought to be used to stuff like that by now - that's a long-standing energy source for the provincial government". Poo! Get it? Whereas I would have said something way cooler like, 'at least now them Abbotsford yokels have an excuse for their shit eating grins. See the difference? I'm way more mature.

One of our vital freedoms is at stake in court ruling. Yeah, why can all those pro-life ads be on the bus, but the kids can't say "rock the vote"? Are you afraid they're going to rock the vote?

VPD trying to trace mysterious new bakery hack, the scourge of Big Baking.