Seymour & Pender Pizza Showdown

Pretty much the only thing I learned in university is that you just can't please everybody when it comes to pizza. But for those of you who fancy these Italian pies, and particularly like them doughy, greasy, and super cheap, then slam down your $1.25 and join me at the pizza joints clustered at Seymour & Pender.

I hereby present Vancouver's Doughy Crust Pizza Taste Test Showdown: a review of three popular pizzerias in the downtown fringe -- FM Classic Pizza, 2001 Flavours, and the creatively named 547 Seymour.

This sure ain't the dainty wood-fired oven pizzas you eat with a knife and fork; this is bona fide street pie, mio amore. For $1.25 -- a measly pittance, I dare say -- these popular puffy-crust pizza joints at Seymour and Pender make cheapskates and carb junkies soil themselves with glee. My pizza-tasting comrade and I did just that. Now, let's tear into these greasy, gooey triangles of paradise.

FM Classic Pizza
589 West Pender | (604) 687-0442
The challenge began at FM Classic Pizza, the smallest and, unfortunately, most disappointing of the bunch. Such a heaping helping of toppings would normally launch this pizza to the winner's circle, but the excessive sauce was clearly detrimental to our personal handling enjoyment. The crust drooped almost instantly from the weight of the topping, which permeated through the dough and left our respective fingers doused in a glistening layer of grease. As an added bonus, the sauce contained enough garlic to leave me single and smoochless for the next five to ten years. Good grief.

Crust: thin base, quickly became flaccid
Sauce: flavourful, very garlicky
Toppings: ample; would be better if the crust was thicker
Environment: small; perfect if you want to grab and go
Service: neutral

2001 Flavours
595 West Pender | (604) 689-8847
Watch out. If you dare step into 2001 Flavours at noon hour, expect to be disemboweled by the shop's führer, who does an amazing job at keeping the line moving, but at the risk of her clientele's blood pressure. "Hurry up! Come, come! Next, next! No! Stop! Parmesan's expensive!" It appears to be the hotspot for the language school students across the street, perhaps more for its prime location and sitting space than the quality of the pizza. Definitely has the most urban vibe of them all, and the pizza's not bad. However, at the time of the test, all pizzas suffered from a tragic case of crustal burning. Unless you like a side order of bitter with your meal, this may not do the trick for you. Perhaps this is one of the lucky 2001 flavours? You decide.

Crust: burnt and a tad chewy
Sauce: not bad
Toppings: good ratio of toppings to crust; vegetarian options a little lacklustre and had rogue meat crumbles on top
Environment: hub of activity; make a new friend at the long table; see and be seen
Service: fast service, but yikes!

547 Seymour Pizza
547 Seymour | (604) 685-7468
This joint was staffed by a young chap who clearly wanted to be home playing his Wii or trading Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, and the service surely reflected this. But that didn't deter us, my dear friends, because we were on a mission to conquer our final pizza. And a good thing, too, because this one had the tastiest, fluffiest, and most perfect crust of the lot, which may have compensated for the dismal splattering of toppings. Two shreds of cheese just ain't enough.

Crust: fluffiest, tastiest, and most doughy of the three
Sauce: not too garlicky, not too bland
Toppings: pathetic, pathetic; however, vegetarian option looked the best of the three
Environment: decent, with a makeshift patio
Service: apathetic

Have I made friends? Enemies? Let the person without sin cast the first pepperoni stick.